i'm beyond excited to move, get out of my shithole of an apartment that's infested with spiders and constantly invaded by ants. sick. don't get me wrong, moving out is going to be a bittersweet experience, for sure. but i'm hoping that i will be more focused on my goals, etc. i think i'm going to get a laptop this weekend when i go to oregon with whit. my parents are putting $500 towards it so it won't be a problem, and michaela's letting me have her copy of the suites [well, letting my copy them] for FREE.
it's hard for me to realize how blessed i am sometimes. well, more so easy to forget than hard to realize. but seriously, i remember in high school i used to bitch and complain how strict my parents were, which yes was suffocating and drove me absolutely crazy-insane, and i rebelled enough for my entire family tree combined. yes, my family is that conservative, but i think it took being raised at one extreme for me to find me. i didn't rebel hardcore or completely fuck my life up, i just arrived at different conclusions than everyone expected. i was reading my mom's blog, a woman who is so well-grounded and ultimately one of the most hilarious people you'll ever meet, and it's interesting to hear about the things going on when we hardly ever talk unless something needs to be talked about. i need to work on my temper. my fuse has gotten shorter and shorter, and i truly sympathize for anyone happen to be holding a conversation [aka, the ticking time bomb that is me] when the fuse runs out.
i just need to not take things for granted. i seem to do that more often than not, and then freak out when my equilibrium is thrown off, even slightly. i am addicted to chaos it seems, which naturally contradicts my obsessive goal-oriented tendencies. way to be unconventional amy, way to be. i never would have predicted that i would be saying this now, but i am so so grateful to have grown up in a "frugal" lifestyle. we ordered from the dollar menu when we went out to eat, once a month or so. we had hand-me-downs, and not only within the family but from our babysitters. it has seriously made me so aware of other people's financial situations, and just more sensitive to other people in general and being able to read their comfort levels. then i can swoop in, interject, and make their day. ;D
back to my blessings, besides the fact that i don't have a career job at the moment, i can't really complain except that i'm not independently wealthy... i kid, i kid. but seriously, i just got approved for a new apartment with a rad view of the sound, i get to go home for the 4th and spend some much needed time with the fam and whitney- probably half and half. i'm going to get a laptop while i'm down there, tax free of course, and getting the adobe creative suites for free! i need something to save up for next... i always need goals otherwise i'll blow my money on food and drinks. i do that anyway, but that's besides the point.
i've decided i'm going to decorate my bedroom, once we move in, with typography. i know, how much more of a nerd can i possibly be. i'm going to depend on my knack to get furniture for free to furnish the entire apartment, and i want to buy more things that i'll keep with me as i move: kitchen stuff, sweet pieces of art that i've made or am just obsessed with, lots of nike, random furniture, odds and ends that are "really me", you know the drill. anyway, i genuinely hope that i don't completely drop every friendship that i developed in college, that at least 5 weren't convenience friendships. my mom is still best friends with her best friends from college, i call them my aunts. they were both there when i was born. that is something i can only hope and pray for.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
somewhere, over the rainbow.
it's funny what 3am conversations can bring out, make you think about. after a free jolly rancher shot and a couple vodka sodas, amanda, aj, and i made our way over to beth's for coffee and a cinnamon roll. she tells me she's going to write a book on christian hatred, wondering where tolerance has gone.
brilliant.
i graduated this past sunday, june 14th, and there were protesters outside from westboro baptist church claiming that God hates gay people, and that we're all going to hell for being methodist. i personally am not, but let's be real here, it's not like they would take that into consideration before making these claims.
this is why people hate christians, because of these radically opinionated and terrible assholes who throw around the name, judging everyone they come into contact with while tainting christianity for everyone. this is the stigma that can't be shaken either.
i personally am not very religious. i have my beliefs, definitely, but i approach it very open-mindedly and in relation with society. there are certain things i have questioned that have changed my mindset since my sunday school days, and most of those things have lead me to simply leave it unanswered, because i just don't know how i feel about my faith, or what's left of it, if they were one way or another.
i would be absolutely horrified if i even knew someone as judgmental as the "christians" who decided to grace my graduation ceremony with their presence. who do you think you are? the thing that pisses me off the most is that that is not witnessing. some of my best friends are gay, and i LOVE them. i'm moving in with 3 gay guys, and feel absolutely no conviction about it. i don't understand why people are so scared of opening their minds and branching out to break the stigma. who are you to judge, to look down upon them as if all sin wasn't equal? i'm so, so tired of it. i shouldn't be ashamed to associate myself with the christian belief because of a stereotype that is actually more accurate than it's given credit for.
i remember growing up and hearing about early christians being persecuted and tortured for their beliefs. is this revenge or something? i hate how when people feel discriminated against and like the minority, they feel the need to rise not just to equality, but above. it's everyone: racism [except against white people- everyone's still getting back at them for some reason], feminism, sexual orientation, politics, etc. you see all these protests and everything providing nothing but discrimination against those who discriminated them first. now we have status quo. qualifications are no longer what are important, what matter, no see everything has to be proportionate- not equal, mind you, but proportionate. bullshit.
my cousin just denounced her faith in God completely. in turn, she makes fun of them, ridiculing everything that they stand for, believe in, everything. in a way, it can be understood, when they behave in such a way as those loving people from westboro baptist. but in a way isn't she just turning around and doing the same thing she's accusing christians of doing? maybe people are just bred to hate. we're brought up, especially now, with causes being shoved down our throats: going green, abortion, vaccinations, third world hunger, adoption, etc. don't get me wrong, it's not that i oppose any of them by any means, but people are just constantly pressured to be for something. standing up for what you believe is admirable, don't get me wrong, but you don't see me standing outside of adidas screaming that nike is better and i enjoy their soccer shorts more. why is that? because nobody cares. just like nobody cares if you think they're going to hell because they are wired differently.
i like to be an efficient person in pretty much everything i do. if i want change, i'll do it in an efficient manner. protesting never accomplishes anything other than a spectacle for people to roll their eyes at, a stronger distaste toward the subject, and traffic. who knows, maybe if everyone didn't have to be so strongly for these causes, the hatred would go down. open-minded and apathetic. the whole apathetic concept may raise a few hairs as far as a lack of commitment goes, but perhaps conflict would settle down. look at me, trying to accomplish world peace, one blog at a time.... revolutionary, really.
tolerance has fled, love has been limited, and christianity as it was intended to be seems rare. maybe beth's coffee and cinnamon rolls is the real answer here. see you there past 2am on any given night.
brilliant.
i graduated this past sunday, june 14th, and there were protesters outside from westboro baptist church claiming that God hates gay people, and that we're all going to hell for being methodist. i personally am not, but let's be real here, it's not like they would take that into consideration before making these claims.
this is why people hate christians, because of these radically opinionated and terrible assholes who throw around the name, judging everyone they come into contact with while tainting christianity for everyone. this is the stigma that can't be shaken either.
i personally am not very religious. i have my beliefs, definitely, but i approach it very open-mindedly and in relation with society. there are certain things i have questioned that have changed my mindset since my sunday school days, and most of those things have lead me to simply leave it unanswered, because i just don't know how i feel about my faith, or what's left of it, if they were one way or another.
i would be absolutely horrified if i even knew someone as judgmental as the "christians" who decided to grace my graduation ceremony with their presence. who do you think you are? the thing that pisses me off the most is that that is not witnessing. some of my best friends are gay, and i LOVE them. i'm moving in with 3 gay guys, and feel absolutely no conviction about it. i don't understand why people are so scared of opening their minds and branching out to break the stigma. who are you to judge, to look down upon them as if all sin wasn't equal? i'm so, so tired of it. i shouldn't be ashamed to associate myself with the christian belief because of a stereotype that is actually more accurate than it's given credit for.
i remember growing up and hearing about early christians being persecuted and tortured for their beliefs. is this revenge or something? i hate how when people feel discriminated against and like the minority, they feel the need to rise not just to equality, but above. it's everyone: racism [except against white people- everyone's still getting back at them for some reason], feminism, sexual orientation, politics, etc. you see all these protests and everything providing nothing but discrimination against those who discriminated them first. now we have status quo. qualifications are no longer what are important, what matter, no see everything has to be proportionate- not equal, mind you, but proportionate. bullshit.
my cousin just denounced her faith in God completely. in turn, she makes fun of them, ridiculing everything that they stand for, believe in, everything. in a way, it can be understood, when they behave in such a way as those loving people from westboro baptist. but in a way isn't she just turning around and doing the same thing she's accusing christians of doing? maybe people are just bred to hate. we're brought up, especially now, with causes being shoved down our throats: going green, abortion, vaccinations, third world hunger, adoption, etc. don't get me wrong, it's not that i oppose any of them by any means, but people are just constantly pressured to be for something. standing up for what you believe is admirable, don't get me wrong, but you don't see me standing outside of adidas screaming that nike is better and i enjoy their soccer shorts more. why is that? because nobody cares. just like nobody cares if you think they're going to hell because they are wired differently.
i like to be an efficient person in pretty much everything i do. if i want change, i'll do it in an efficient manner. protesting never accomplishes anything other than a spectacle for people to roll their eyes at, a stronger distaste toward the subject, and traffic. who knows, maybe if everyone didn't have to be so strongly for these causes, the hatred would go down. open-minded and apathetic. the whole apathetic concept may raise a few hairs as far as a lack of commitment goes, but perhaps conflict would settle down. look at me, trying to accomplish world peace, one blog at a time.... revolutionary, really.
tolerance has fled, love has been limited, and christianity as it was intended to be seems rare. maybe beth's coffee and cinnamon rolls is the real answer here. see you there past 2am on any given night.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
the metronome.
i have had the urge to play the piano a lot lately. it helps me think, process, analyze. it sets the tempo for your thoughts, almost leading them along as your thought process falls naturally into place. perhaps that's just me.
maybe that will end up being my niche once i start my career of some sort. instead of words, ideas will rhythmically fall into place in artistic form, as my marketing/design oriented mindset send ideas simply flying to the tempo of a piano. of course, they would be completely unconventional and rebellious to any design norms as far as aesthetic is concerned. maybe i'll become a writer for some design firm. i'll have to email wexley. maybe i can move my way through the whole firm by the end of the summer, at the rate i'm going.
it feels so strange not being busy other than working. no homework any more, no all-nighters that aren't self-induced spent in the solemn white walls of the art center, scrambling to finish projects the professor decides aren't worth actually looking at. i usually spent most of those nights listening to rap/hip hop rather than piano music though, so perhaps that was my problem. action scripting probably would have been a breeze.... oh, hindsight.
pianos should really be in marching bands, i think. a baby grand planted half-field, the rest of the band circling around it, as the pianist comes in at just the right time with pounding accents and some relief from the brass section. i would enjoy that much more than your conventional college band at half time of a big game. switch things up a little bit i guess. then again, i'm all about the unconventional. i'd probably need an unconventional metronome then, to stay consistent.
who knows. who knows that i'm even talking about or if it's making any sense at all. i'm just rambling.
i'll take it.
maybe that will end up being my niche once i start my career of some sort. instead of words, ideas will rhythmically fall into place in artistic form, as my marketing/design oriented mindset send ideas simply flying to the tempo of a piano. of course, they would be completely unconventional and rebellious to any design norms as far as aesthetic is concerned. maybe i'll become a writer for some design firm. i'll have to email wexley. maybe i can move my way through the whole firm by the end of the summer, at the rate i'm going.
it feels so strange not being busy other than working. no homework any more, no all-nighters that aren't self-induced spent in the solemn white walls of the art center, scrambling to finish projects the professor decides aren't worth actually looking at. i usually spent most of those nights listening to rap/hip hop rather than piano music though, so perhaps that was my problem. action scripting probably would have been a breeze.... oh, hindsight.
pianos should really be in marching bands, i think. a baby grand planted half-field, the rest of the band circling around it, as the pianist comes in at just the right time with pounding accents and some relief from the brass section. i would enjoy that much more than your conventional college band at half time of a big game. switch things up a little bit i guess. then again, i'm all about the unconventional. i'd probably need an unconventional metronome then, to stay consistent.
who knows. who knows that i'm even talking about or if it's making any sense at all. i'm just rambling.
i'll take it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)