chaotic bliss.

Here are some examples for one of my logo and t-shirt design projects. The client wanted an urban appeal with a hip hop vibe, so I went with a chaotic yet controlled feel. This is just a screen shot of two ideas for business cards and a typographic-inspired t-shirt design at the top left (click to enlarge). Courier is one of the few standard fonts with a fixed width, and I am a big fan regardless, so it seemed a charming fit for my idea. Enjoy!

note to self:

sometimes i have to be reminded that i have one of these so i can non-verbally get out whatever is in my head. i've been thinking, and as much as i want to get out of the restaurant business and pursue a design career, i feel as if it's almost an abusive relationship. business hasn't been great so the money's barely decent, but i seem to find excuses for not leaving. number one is the fact that i have nothing lined up, also i love the people i work with, have insurance through there, and i know once fall hits i'll be making $300 a night (umm, bomb?!).

but i don't want to be a cocktailer when i'm 30- note to self: just move in with mom and dad if that's the case, you can't sink much lower- i want to have the fulfillment of accomplishment, and soon. i've taken a recent interest in marketing, and i think that i'd be pretty darn good and it too. either that or business management. communicating a message with efficiency and success. i feel that at this point i'd actually enjoy going back to school, although unless my grampa wants to fork over another $120,000 for me alone to go back to school, i don't see that happening. a lot of people accomplish positions like those without that specific major though, so i'm optimistic.

lately at work i've been sporting quite the shitty attitude. why? because not only am i frustrated that my educated self is still cocktailing, but things are run in any way besides efficiently, and overall it's losing me money. i like being "in the know" and although i know i am in no position to be privy to such knowledge, i can't understand the logic behind decisions i feel are ridiculously stupid without an explanation. i ask "why" quite a bit. after talking it through with my mangers, i received a tiny bit of information/affirmation, and feel worlds better. that's all i needed.

so my dilemma is this: in order to go on in my quest for more than the restaurant industry, do i settle for a low-end design job and consider it entry-level? or do i see if i can do a more acceptable design job where i can participate in marketing ploys and hang out at the good ol' 3D for another year possibly? i don't want another serving job, although i might need to get one if money doesn't pick up soon. i am passionate about cocktails themselves. tommy is the biggest booze geek i know and it's interesting going to different places together and trying new cocktails and spirits neither of us have heard of. it's awesome actually, and while i am in the industry, i intend on being the best.

i want a car. i want to be able to drive down to portland, see whit, spend time with my family more, even go and visit my sisters or friends for the afternoon across town without having to take 36 buses. cool place just opened up in bellevue? not going to go because of that reason. sad. i guess it all comes down to what is going on in my life right now that i can think of that makes me happy. tommy's great- although sometimes it's hard to see through our differences and remember that we have a complete blast together, natalie has become one of my best friends and has been a constant, joe and i have become closer especially since i moved up to the hill, i LOVE living on the hill, and while my house is constantly messy, that just means that we had friends over. so yea, i guess when you think about it life- even for the moment- isn't that bad. the rest will all fall into place. again, it's just frustrating because i'm just not "in the know" quite yet.

i guess you could call this untitled.

i am not really sure what i think, which is rather strange for me. it isn't that i think for the most part that i have everything together, however it may just be that i'm not used to having my judgment clouded. that seems to be my predicament overall throughout the past 7 days. it's all too easy to assume that you have control of any certain situation- until you consider the second party (damn that second party and their opinions and whatnot...)

i mean, since when did they have feelings that are all of a sudden relevant via Bon Iver? it sin't that i necessarily feel blindsided, but that's where my logic is concluding where my current state of emotion and logic are dueling at one another. i will not doubt that i have made decisions that have gone against my better judgment due to my empathetic personality, as well as will, to make people better- but i refuse to blame it on some sort of want "to fix people." i mean sure, i find a great joy in being a very influential figure in any single person's progress or epiphany that leads them toward personal success or growth, but that i feel is because i have this sick expectation for someone to play that role if they happen to see those "symptoms" in myself. if i am acting like a dick, asshole, insecure-driven obsessor, i would want someone to care enough to verbally slap me in the face (or would i?) and let me know what is going on beyond my blinded, and therefore illogical, pursuit. going back to the "or would i?", i have graciously accepted that i am very much so a stubborn person who may or may not be obsessed in being 100% logical to the extreme of being so over-analytical that she can't analyze feelings as well.

i have been blessed with the oh-so-beneficial gift of seeing both sides, and cursed with almost having predetermined logically which side i have taken due to previous and/or current relevant situations (i feel like i'm writing a psych book right now btw, that's how over-analytical i am) that may pertain to the outcome of the situation at hand. i often fail to remember that situations are, well, situational, and can vary in both the journey as well as the outcome.

maybe this is all concluding that if i merely step back and look at the situation as if it were someone who was coming to me with their own situation, in addition to myself knowing the third party being dealt with/analyzed (my unofficial psych"o" terminology), i'd go as far to say that i might understand certain reactions to different situations and consider them as they pertain to me. all in all, i'm a smart girl. i just need to realize that sometimes, emotions can determine a logical solution without necessarily overriding logic itself.

man i'm scary sometimes.

visiting hours are never over.

after a rather intense 24 hours, i have revisited myself. i am someone who is pretty low-maintenance, for the most part a "yes girl", and (not to pat my own back) rather selfless. i try my best to anticipate the needs of the people around me without expectation of reciprocity, yet i find myself disappointed when there isn't. maybe it was how i was raised- consideration of other people was prime- or perhaps i am constantly contradicting myself on this issue.

i enjoy being one of the guys, i really do. i'd almost say that i thrive on that feeling. i hate bitchy girls (though it's been rumored that i can be quite the bitch, so i guess i hate high maintenance girls). you know the type: needy, demanding, obsessed with themselves, talk in abnormal pitches (a little stereotypical, i know, just roll with it. i'm a bitch remember?), etc. i can't deny that i don't have needs by any means. i guess my versions of these high maintenance qualities are just a little muted, sans the weird pitched-voice. i have needs, expect the respect that i deserve and if i don't get it, demand it. i also am definitely not lacking in confidence and would love a friend or significant other with the same mindsets that i have.

i feel like i revisit myself on a semi-regular basis- this is just the first time i've been able to write about it in a while. perhaps it's a strategic way to publish self-affirmation? not sure. i bought canvas and a charcoal sketchbook today to cater to my self-induced free time as i shall sit in my storage space which i pay rent for each month despite the fact that it doesn't come close to resembling "home", and i feel i have potential to be inspired due to my experience in the past 24 hours of revisiting. perhaps i'll go abstract.