i guess you could call this untitled.

i am not really sure what i think, which is rather strange for me. it isn't that i think for the most part that i have everything together, however it may just be that i'm not used to having my judgment clouded. that seems to be my predicament overall throughout the past 7 days. it's all too easy to assume that you have control of any certain situation- until you consider the second party (damn that second party and their opinions and whatnot...)

i mean, since when did they have feelings that are all of a sudden relevant via Bon Iver? it sin't that i necessarily feel blindsided, but that's where my logic is concluding where my current state of emotion and logic are dueling at one another. i will not doubt that i have made decisions that have gone against my better judgment due to my empathetic personality, as well as will, to make people better- but i refuse to blame it on some sort of want "to fix people." i mean sure, i find a great joy in being a very influential figure in any single person's progress or epiphany that leads them toward personal success or growth, but that i feel is because i have this sick expectation for someone to play that role if they happen to see those "symptoms" in myself. if i am acting like a dick, asshole, insecure-driven obsessor, i would want someone to care enough to verbally slap me in the face (or would i?) and let me know what is going on beyond my blinded, and therefore illogical, pursuit. going back to the "or would i?", i have graciously accepted that i am very much so a stubborn person who may or may not be obsessed in being 100% logical to the extreme of being so over-analytical that she can't analyze feelings as well.

i have been blessed with the oh-so-beneficial gift of seeing both sides, and cursed with almost having predetermined logically which side i have taken due to previous and/or current relevant situations (i feel like i'm writing a psych book right now btw, that's how over-analytical i am) that may pertain to the outcome of the situation at hand. i often fail to remember that situations are, well, situational, and can vary in both the journey as well as the outcome.

maybe this is all concluding that if i merely step back and look at the situation as if it were someone who was coming to me with their own situation, in addition to myself knowing the third party being dealt with/analyzed (my unofficial psych"o" terminology), i'd go as far to say that i might understand certain reactions to different situations and consider them as they pertain to me. all in all, i'm a smart girl. i just need to realize that sometimes, emotions can determine a logical solution without necessarily overriding logic itself.

man i'm scary sometimes.