note to self:

sometimes i have to be reminded that i have one of these so i can non-verbally get out whatever is in my head. i've been thinking, and as much as i want to get out of the restaurant business and pursue a design career, i feel as if it's almost an abusive relationship. business hasn't been great so the money's barely decent, but i seem to find excuses for not leaving. number one is the fact that i have nothing lined up, also i love the people i work with, have insurance through there, and i know once fall hits i'll be making $300 a night (umm, bomb?!).

but i don't want to be a cocktailer when i'm 30- note to self: just move in with mom and dad if that's the case, you can't sink much lower- i want to have the fulfillment of accomplishment, and soon. i've taken a recent interest in marketing, and i think that i'd be pretty darn good and it too. either that or business management. communicating a message with efficiency and success. i feel that at this point i'd actually enjoy going back to school, although unless my grampa wants to fork over another $120,000 for me alone to go back to school, i don't see that happening. a lot of people accomplish positions like those without that specific major though, so i'm optimistic.

lately at work i've been sporting quite the shitty attitude. why? because not only am i frustrated that my educated self is still cocktailing, but things are run in any way besides efficiently, and overall it's losing me money. i like being "in the know" and although i know i am in no position to be privy to such knowledge, i can't understand the logic behind decisions i feel are ridiculously stupid without an explanation. i ask "why" quite a bit. after talking it through with my mangers, i received a tiny bit of information/affirmation, and feel worlds better. that's all i needed.

so my dilemma is this: in order to go on in my quest for more than the restaurant industry, do i settle for a low-end design job and consider it entry-level? or do i see if i can do a more acceptable design job where i can participate in marketing ploys and hang out at the good ol' 3D for another year possibly? i don't want another serving job, although i might need to get one if money doesn't pick up soon. i am passionate about cocktails themselves. tommy is the biggest booze geek i know and it's interesting going to different places together and trying new cocktails and spirits neither of us have heard of. it's awesome actually, and while i am in the industry, i intend on being the best.

i want a car. i want to be able to drive down to portland, see whit, spend time with my family more, even go and visit my sisters or friends for the afternoon across town without having to take 36 buses. cool place just opened up in bellevue? not going to go because of that reason. sad. i guess it all comes down to what is going on in my life right now that i can think of that makes me happy. tommy's great- although sometimes it's hard to see through our differences and remember that we have a complete blast together, natalie has become one of my best friends and has been a constant, joe and i have become closer especially since i moved up to the hill, i LOVE living on the hill, and while my house is constantly messy, that just means that we had friends over. so yea, i guess when you think about it life- even for the moment- isn't that bad. the rest will all fall into place. again, it's just frustrating because i'm just not "in the know" quite yet.