it's a solemn hallway to walk down alone. the echo of each step i take reverberates back to me to break the silence. i begged you to stop before it was too late, but my words were the same as countless others before me, and they were all the same to you.
the sun glares off of the sleek, cemented floor through the dirty window at the end of the hallway. each metal door remains untouched, isolated from even light itself. i come to the last door and peer through the smeared box of glass toward the top, dreading what i know is on the other side. in a hospital gown the same color as the wadded sheets, i see you hold yourself with your head on your knees. tears stream down my face as i hold back everything inside of me from spilling out. if only i had known what to say that would have triggered something that nothing else seemed to reach. the pleas and threats of what you would become only provoked you more, and all of the i love you's were never heard. what could i have possibly said? i know all i can do is love you and hope you come out clean. the torture i see in your vacant stare each time your body trembles melts any bitterness that each echoed step had built up, and i want nothing more than to hold you and let you know you're not worthless. you'll know what you'll be when you grow up, soon. everything will soon be back as it was 8 years ago, sitting on the dock, fighting over who could push who in.
my body jerks into a sitting position, my breathing frantic. i'm alone in my room, still holding my phone open to your text saying, "i relapsed a couple times, but i'm be fine now."
i hope you are.
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