a single chord progression.

because a keyboard isn't enough, my fingers long for a piano to pound out the melody of the unrelenting thoughts racing through my mind. it's as if the same question breeds different answers, all of which my mind entertains as sufficient for the time being. how quickly it becomes unsatisfied.

d minor would be nice. it's a sophisticated, but sincere chord that resonates through any other, in my opinion. it's not that i'm questioning my happiness, it's more the source. so temporary, so terrifyingly bold that due to my nature i have no choice but to take it as factual. i am what i am, and have come to accept that i become a mirror to the face of both expectation and idealistics. my life should be played to a song in d minor with a bass heavy beat.

it's easy to go through the motions that were predestined for you; to either ride along the set list of accomplishments you were clearly meant to fulfill, or to weave in an out of it to keep things exciting. that's what i've concluded. it's like the movie talledega nights, where the father can't help but ruin something that's going well. people get too set on their expectations, growing pleased with themselves that they have bred a winner. perhaps i'm just a spiteful person who just says 'well watch this', and completely overturns the situation, or maybe i always intended on taking that path. both can be questioned with good reason.

it's not that i don't know myself. i just don't have myself as 'down pat' as i did 2 years ago. i could tell you what exactly i was feeling and why, claiming adamently that the statement, 'i don't know' as complete bullshit. now, i find myself too far beyond knowing that i clammer to reach 'i don't know'. there are too many possibilities when you feel. is it healthier to feel? i'm not sure, but it's more painful, definitely. when i'm not really sure what i feel, beyond the fact that i'm feeling in general? pure agony.

i'll eventually have the whole song. right now all i can do is perfect this scale, to make it harmonious to the rhythm to which i walk, fall, and run. til i've run out of distractions, d minor will eminate from within.