daydreams.

i am unusually happy today. like, everything is making me smile. let me paint the situation for you: i am alone in the box office, talking on and off with a girl i met 2 nights ago about her relationship issues and how she needs to end it, listening to "heart" radio on pandora and totally ricking out to it [maybe that's it?], brainstorming logos for my friend's new business, olive only [organic potato ships made with olive oil], looking up fashion ideas for another friend's photoshoot that i'm doing her hair and make up for.

i don't know, maybe because i've been so miserable at work this past week with my life. i feel like a whale, like i'm working a dead end job with no light at the end of the tunnel [horrible metaphor but it was approriate for defining the emotion behind it], and like a magnet for other people's drama. i ordered this cleanse thing online because it was a free trial, and talked with a couple girls at work about how to cleanse everything.. i made a healthy food grocery list, did some sketches, and just keep rocking out to music. i want to make people laugh, i decided- or reconfirmed, rather.i love it, it is so fulfilling for me. who knows, i doubt i'm going to be the next stand up comedian but through one-liners, my art, my writing, my life in general. and being miserable = not being able to make people laugh because i can't myself. i feel productive at this very moment, for some reason. like if i were to sit down and start a project, i could stay for at least 12 hours and work on things before finishing.

it seems like it's been forever since i feel like i've legitimately accomplished something. my friend kate is an aspiring rapper, and she's good too. i wrote her a few lines because i was bored at the front desk last night, and she was obsessed. she's heading over right now to brainstorm different ideas with me. i like having a full schedule. i'm tired of going out/having enough TIME to go out. it's not that i don't like it, it's that i feel like i could be doing so much more with my time that it's more of a guilt issue than anything else. plus i should be saving more...

this is how i envision my career life: hanging out in my studio or somewhere that i feel particularly creative, and just research and sketch until i come up with something i enjoy, watch/listen/read tutorials if i want to learn something new, shoot images and emails back and forth to either clients or a friend [probably michaela] whose judgment i trust and just ACCOMPLISH things. do what i love doing and fucking rock at doing it. i wouldn't mind doing some writing either..

i'd love my own studio, or some form of co op with a friend so we could work together or at least not be just alone. although i might enjoy that.. i'm thoroughly enjoying myself right now. there's a time where you don't want anyone else's voive in your heaad, and there's a time when you can't stand the sound of your own bec ause you've deemed it retarded for the day. so true.

i need to work more morning box office shifts. i forgot how amazing they could be. let the cleanse begin!