gone fishing.

i move out in a couple days- 4 actually. i hate moving. although i could not be more happy to leave where i am right now, it means i have to accept loss.

last night i stayed up until about 7am trying to fall asleep [i ended up doing those scissor kick things in bed to the kevin rudolf/lil wayne song "let it rock" to entertain myself until i did- as if that was helping]. i went outside to watch the sunrise and listened to sufjan stevens as i stood in what would have otherwise been utter and complete silence. the city wasn't awake, the upstairs to our apartment was vacant.

if there's anything to say, if there's anything to do, if there's any other way, i'll do anything for you.

it's funny how friendships change over the years. some degrade into nothing, leaving you wonder what beyond the fact that you have fun with them keeps you going back, reincluding them into your life. there's those who started off as that random person who you bond with over something as simple as you both drink on a dry campus, hate the campus, and need a roommate, soon to develop into your network of people who you can text when you're bored and chances are, they're bored too. sure, why not live with her?

some friendships are simply effortless- they just... flow. i wouldn't even call it routine because it's just something you naturally gravitate to rather than mindlessly go through the motions in doing it. when comfort levels don't exist anymore and criticism is constant and constantly requested despite the strength or pride of the other person, THAT is fluidity. maybe i just got used to "swimming" for the past 3 years, and now that i'm getting out of the water i don't know if i like not being weightless anymore. maybe i'll like running on dry land for a little bit. it could be a new experience that could be exhilerating and completely random. i just wish i could combine the two worlds. maybe fishing, if you follow the metaphor?

what is there to answer if i'm the only one? morning comes in paradise, morning comes in light. still i must obey still i must invite. if there's anything to say, if there's anything to do, if there's any other way, i'll do anything for you.

cut past all metaphors and sufjan lyical bullshit: i am definitely the kind of person who likes to move around, switch things up every once and a while. i mean, i love being a drifter. it's almost against my personality to react like this, but i guess that says alot alot alot about our frienship that i even feel like this. despite all the walls i've put up for friendships and skepticism that went into it, i guess it's an exception? it is one of the only drama-free situations i have left. this is kind of big though, and it hasn't even hit me. it probably won't until we get to salem. it's not like the fluidity will stop, i know that. we'll always be friends [and roommates, regardless of whether or not we live together], texting obsessively and giving each other a play-by-play or the usual "TMI" little fun facts.

i'm just dreading accepting the fact that given how much i miss D303 already, not even having a piece of it in human form is going to suck. hard. i luh you dogg, and i miss you already.