i haven't spent a dime since wednesday. not exactly by choice- the financial shit of my life hit the economic fan. just when i thought i was on top of everything, too.. seriously, rent wasn't going to be even remotely a problem, my tip checks haven't even begun to reflect the work i've put in as an SA [server's assistant] downstairs in the theatre, and i will be going into overtime this week. but no, i have to go through hoops to avoid bullshit that could have been avoided without pressing that damn "click here to start free trial" button. of course you did, amy, of course you did. fool.
anyway, i'm crossing my fingers in hopes that i get tipped out even though i was training as an SA those sold out nights. if not i'm nothing short of fucked, to be quite frank. we just signed up for cable [which i have no desire for] with a dvr, internet, and a land line. i'm not looking forward to seeing the water bill, seeing as someone's doing laundry literally every day. i'm trying so hard to not stress out. i know i'll be fine, i know i will. i might have to post up on aurora for a week or 4- just kidding- but i'll make ends meet. this is just a set back.
like i first said, due to this experience, i have not spent one dime [from my debit card, mind you... i've found a dollar here or there and gone crazy on a coca-cola]. all the things i gravitate towards when i do have money are things i can't have now. if i'm starving about to start seizing because my stomach is eating itself, i can have rice because i am terrified of the dreaded overdraft fees. yes, i have a positive balance but who knows if something will sneak up on me. so i'm a little paranoid, alright? it was probably good for me. but yea, it really
puts into perspective how unnecessary certain things i've gotten used to as "necessities" actually are. for example, more often than not, when i get off of work and need to kill a half hour before my bus comes, i try and linger awkwardly at the bar so i'm either: a) not pacing around the lounge like an idiot, or b) sitting at the sketch bus stop amidst a swarm of homeless people screaming at the world. after the awkward phase passes [3 minutes], i take a breath of reality and sit down and order a drink. the employees take up an entire half of the bar usually so i'm not alone at least. but now what do i do to kill time without being awkward or spending anything? impossible, yet spending isn't an issue so i resort to being awkward. --p.s. if this was an actual conversation most of my friends would be really irritated with me at the fact i could have said most of this paragraph in one sentence. just an fyi.
money is a bitch, have it or not. it either creates a comfort blanket that make you whine when you catch a little draft, or it leaves you out in the cold to only lust for it. don't get me wrong, i don't think that due to my personal situation, i know anything about poverty. my sisters and mom went on mission trips to etheopia and have seen true poverty. i will make no complaints as far as that goes. it would almost be interesting to weigh out what exactly we do and don't need. we live so lavishly here in america, it almost pisses me off. oh, for things to be simple. it's almost something to be envious of them for. they have shelter, whatever food they work for and it doesn't come from a drive through, and each other. i've been looking into working internationally. doing what, who knows, but i want to do something like that... test my comfort levels and get a little reality check in the process. i've decided i'm going to go to etheopia and help the adoption agency.
my roommate whitney [she'll always be my roommate, despite whether or not we actually live together] fosters dogs when she can. giving how much she loves dogs, i can't imagine how it feels to give them back. gonig over there and interacting with those kids will break my heart, for sure. it's about time i got a little emotional, a little passionate about something besides money and success. one thing whit says to dispute my workaholicism is simply that life is too short. i am obsessed with children, therefore i should be working with children because i am actually beyond good with them. my sisters are too. i guess, come to think of it, my parents are too. must run in the fam cause my dad and i are the only ones left who need to go.
i created a campaign for my senior capstone class with creating a campaign for underpriveleged children. it would be an organization that teams up with big companies like american apparrel or nike, etc., and takes the art of children in situations such as those in africa, and prints them on t-shirts to raise awareness about children being able to express themselves via art. people who buy the shirts in turn support the orphanage the child came from. when the child turns 18, the profits --which have been in a trust fund gaining interst since they were X years old-- will go towards an education or some means of furthering their opportunities in life. i name it "outside the lines" but who knows if that will stick. i'll have to do some intense research because i know nothing about starting an organization or anything like that. maybe i'd recruit siobhan for that, she's the queen of fundraising and benefits, etc. anyway, that's my epiphany. i had every intention of making this blog simply about the complexity of money and how unnecessary certain comodities were. turns out i just figured out what i feel i'm called to do with my life. funny how God works like that. ;D
No comments:
Post a Comment