what's my age again?

i love my job. i really do. i love being pulled in every different direction and actually being good at it. i love the stress and chaos of it all, it's an adrenaline rush to me. people have been talking about making me a server [i work at the triple door]. finally, some affirmation. don't get me wrong, i have no intentions of being a "lifer" in the restaurant biz, but to see how much money people make here, walking with hundreds and hundreds of dollars in a night just for interacting with people, giving them some buddha rolls and chicken pad thai and a martini while they watch a show.... i just thought of how i could have made this whole blog into some huge metaphorical blurb, personifying the lights and everything. obviously i decided against it. creative writing is fun, but i'm in the mood to be blunt.

i want to make a 5 year plan. i want to be a 22 year old with the maturity level and responsibility of someone who's 30. i've been told i seem more matura than someone who's 22. don't get me wrong, just because of my last blog about not focusing purely on making money and being successful doesn't mean i don't want to work for it. obviously i need some kind of cushion if i plan on doing anything remotely pro bono. ultimately it's an issue of a lack of faith for me. i am a control freak. there, i admit it. never have i put my trust entirely in God. now my parents, on the other hand, moved up from palm springs to portland without a job or having our house sold. i would have never in a million years been so bold. it terrifies me. whitney was trying to convince me to move to portland at i wouldn't because i didn't have anything lined up job-wise for when i moved. granted, my rent is way cheap up here, i know seattle and whatnot, but that's besides the point.

speaking of besides the point, back to my 5 year plan. let's just do this on the fly right now. i'll go by "rent" years, so from august to august. i'll even break it down to seasons. by winter i want to definitely have my laptop, if not by fall. by spring i'll have the adobe creative suites [and be 20 lbs lighter. jk], as well as $1000 saved up in a trust fund to just sit there, untouched and gain interest for when i'm old and fat and want to move to the editerranean. i'll add periodically so i can have cocktails when i lay my 60-year old ass out in a g-string. just kidding.

next summer i'll be deciding where to move. maybe africa, south america, australia? as nice as living alone would be, there's nothing like coming home to someone being there, or knowing that someone's coming home to talk to. i'm not a huge fan of being alone. minor setback i guess, but then you could always have people over? nah it's just be cheaper to split the rent and have a roommate. ok enough monologue. focus amy, focus. regardless of where i choose to move, i will be designing. no restaurant job- at least as a primary source of income. who couldn't use more money for that trust fund? i will definitely be moving out of seattle, i decided. i want to live internationally, so i will do it. get a work visa, eventually dual citizenship and gain some cultural experience, learn a language- preferably italian or spanish.

year 3. i want to start a campaign or organization, whether it's the "outside the lines" idea or not. i want something to be my name attached to it, my baby. in the words of three6mafia: "no i can't live my life, working those 9 to 5's, no matter what they say, i'm doin' it my own way. cause time ain't on my side, they don't understand, forget what people say, i'm doin' it my own way." how non-conformist, three6. i want to be living in one of 2 extreme living conditions: the downtown area of a big city in a stainless steel/white apartment, or in the middle of some secluded foreign country living the same way as the people i'm interacting with. i do want to do the second at one point in my life, the length of time has not yet been determined. i'll keep you posted though.

year 4... and 5. not really too sure about that one. maybe mine is just a 3 year plan? years 4 and 5 can just be continued off of those first 3 and further evaluations and goal assessments to be based off of those experiences. i really am a very goal-oriented person. it's good to break it down to seasons though for me because that's a lot more tangible benefits-wise than on a yearly basis. fall is just around the corner. a laptop should be no problem, especially since i will be picking up a few odd jobs here and there, and with my tip checks SIGNIFICANTLY larger now that i'm down in the theatre as opposed to hosting. i can make it happen if i don't get sidetracked or screwed over.. again.

something about growing up is exciting to me. people say that 20's is the prime. i don't even feel like i look like an adult, dude. i wonder how long it takes to transition from college student to young professional looks-wise? i'm retarded, i do realize this. i don't know i just see so much appeal in being considered a responsible human being and doing something that actually benefits other people besides gracing them with my presence, friendship, blah blah blah. the college years is such a selfish time in life, and i guess everything preceding it too. it's just how you're wired because you've been given everything, had everything provided for you, and just have basic immature desires.. wanting to fit in, party hard to break down social inhibitions and wear the latest styles, etc. it's fun and all, don't get me wrong, i mean who doesn't want to blame their being too forward on the simple fact that you were drunk? it seems to erase all responsibility anyway. dude, seriously, what is so wrong with people that no one can accept responsibility for anything?? i can't stand it. [this is quickly turning into a rant]. seriously, please tell me the appeal of being perceived by everyone else in society as the demographic who is convinced that "real world" is the actual real world. companies have unfortunately had to stoop to that level to capture our .345 second attention span by slapping something shiny and superficial onto a billboard, and it's a multi-million dollar fad. it's an irreversible trend that's only spiraling downward into a black hole of social degradation.

let me know when this season of "reality" is over. thanks.