caution tape.

i'm just to go on about my new apartment. seriously though, to be able to feel home in the place which i am paying rent is beautiful. i have superb water pressure, walking distance to a bar, multiple grocery stores, coffee shops etc. the boys are great, i am totally the house mom though. not in a bad way, but i find myself.... brace yourselves - cleaning. i'm pretty sure it's just because it hasn't registered that it's my apartment yet, but still, it kind of weirds me out. as soon as everything is actually put away and organized i'm sure i won't be doing it as much, but in the meantime everything is just so cluttered i can't stand it. it's kind of a bittersweet feeling, realizing that after such a long run of clutter and being completely unorganized that you actually enjoy things being clean.

i'm hoping that this year proves to be one of truly growing up. besides the fact that i'm on my own and completely independent [no grandpa paying for my education or rent], i'm living with guys- gay ones at that- who i could not love more. i do miss whitney though :[ it's funny how one person not being there all of a sudden throws off your whole routine almost. for example, i've gotten used to coming home and running into her room and staying up 'til 4am just shooting the shit. it's going to be weird not having girl time [i realize this sounds disgustingly sentimental but just think about it]. not even girl time, becasue i usually enjoy hanging out with guys alot more than with girls. it's just not whitney, aka my life partner, i decided.

i hope i change, i really do. i am not one of those people who is opposed to change whatsoever. sure, it throws you off of your regular routine, but it's healthy i think. you get stuck in your ways when it goes on and on foreevvvveeerrrr without any sign of ceasing. it develops into a comfort zone that you can't break out of and before you know it you're 40 and have been working in a cubicle that you can barely fit a keyboard for your computer, all while hating every minute of it. i don't know what my comfort blanket is necessarily, but i'm sure i have my own things that i tend to refuse to stray from. i want to be more adventurous, yet at the saem time more successful. does that mean travel for work? i need to get a good job first...

who knows. maybe i just need a therapist.