So this is what it feels like to come down from a high. Not just any high, but a spiritual high. I went to this camp, where it was so amazing and life-changing and I was just so happy, and now I am just struck with such loneliness and abandonment that it has pretty much deteriorated that high.
Friendship is a bipolar concept. Too bad it’s one of the things that I feel my life depends upon to survive and not go into depression mode. I am a philosophical person; always thinking, always evaluating, always observing and taking note. My depth is killing me. It forces me to put so much weight on everything, and while I’ve gotten pretty good at blocking the pain that usual circumstances bring, the friendships I cherish never fail to go deeper than that wall. Go figure.
People will be there at inopportune times to pick you up when you need it, patiently being there for words of affirmation and as your rock to lean on as you pick yourself back up. They become your idea of a constant source of comfort. However, it has been in my experience that a constant only remains constant so long; and the deeper the friendship is, the more likely- and quickly- that consistency will disappear.
I prayed to be broken so that I could be healed, not annihilated. The brokenness was supposed to happen to the wall around what was already broken- not to what has been already broken completely.
So this is my attack, the one that always tends to happen when coming down, or what brings you down. You slip into old routines, become the person that everyone knew you to be, and get hit harder than when you weren’t as conscious about it. Of course.
I don’t want to be broken anymore, and I have two choices. I can either build up the wall that has led me to my downfall in the first place, or I can opt to be ripped to shreds in hopes I will eventually be healed. Sweet deal, just what I need.
From My Experiance BabyCakes, Walls Always Fall. It Might Take Years Of Small PinPrick Sized Holes, But It Will Fall. So It Sounds Like If You Put Up A Wall, Youll Eventually Be In This Same Place, Writting Another Blog, Eventually.
ReplyDeleteBut Then Again Accepting Fact Isnt Always The Easiest Way To Roll. It Is Def The Harder Road, And Less Traveled Because Of That. The Upside To This Aproach On Any Situation Is That You Know You Will Survive. You Will Be Strong. And Be Stonger Still After The Fact. In The End You Will Know How It Feels To Be Broken Down To Nothing And Rebuild From The Beginning. But From The Beginning You Can Look Forward And See How Life Will Play Out, And Make Your Decisions Knowing What The Outcomes Will Be. Just So Long As You Dont Make The Same Mistake Twice.
Things Always Work Out. Always. It Is A Fact Of Life. Someimes It Take No More Than The Blink Of An Eye, Sometimes A Lifetime, But In The End You Will Have Closure, You Will Feel Complete. So Either Path You Take Will Eventually Lead To Se Same Place, It Just Depends On How Long You Want It To Take And What You Want To Learn From It.
Amy, you are such a talented writer. I am sitting at my computer amazed by your gift. I hope you don't mind, but I look forward to reading more by you.
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